Everyone has a role in preventing abuse
Relatively new to The Shelter’s programming, Neighbors, Friends and Families is a campaign of awareness of the signs of abuse so that people who are close to a victim can help.
You may have some concerns about helping this person. Maybe you feel it is none of your business or you don’t really know what to say. You may worry that you will make things worse or maybe the situation is not all that bad after all. You may be concerned that the violence will turn to you or your family. Perhaps you think the survivor doesn’t really want to leave the abuser because she keeps going back. Maybe you believe that if this person wanted help, she would ask for it or you think it is a private matter and not your business.
All of these concerns as legitimate but you should also consider:
- It could be a matter of life or death
- Doing nothing could make things worse
- Your loved one may be too afraid and/or ashamed to ask for some help
- She doesn’t have any resources
If you are concerned, here are a few warning signs:
- Abuser puts the victim down
- Abuser checks on the victim all the time, even at work
- Abuser lies and blames the survivor for everything
- Abuser has no respect for the law
- Abuser acts like a victim
- Victim is nervous around the abuser
- Victim has unexplained injuries
- Victim doesn’t have access to a phone or money
- Victim seems sad, lonely, withdrawn and afraid
How you can help:
You must be patient and reassure the victim that you are there and will listen without judgment. Validate her feelings and encourage her to keep important documents in a safe place. Offer to accompany her to court, to a doctor etc. Encourage the victim not to confront her abuser as it will increase the violence. Tell her that you believe her and that she did not create this and is not responsible of this abusive situation.
If the victim is in denial, mention what you have noticed. Tell her that you are concerned for her safety and that she needs to seek help at The Shelter. Let her know that you take these warning signs seriously and that she should, too.
Above all, do not try to force the survivor to do something she is not ready to do. Remember, deciding to leave an abusive relationship is not our decision to make, but the survivor’s only.
For more information on the Neighbors, Friends and Families program, call The Shelter at 239-775-3862 or email ldescoteaux@naplesshelter.org.
