TALK WITH SOMEONE WHO CARES
Our trained advocates will listen to your situation, assess how you’re feeling and help you figure out the next best steps for you. Call us at 239-775-3862 and ask for Teen Counselor.
Everyone deserves healthy relationships
If you have questions about dating or a specific relationship, or if you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you deserve support and resources to help you with your situation. You are not alone; The Shelter is here for you 24/7/365 – Call or Text 239-775-1101
Our advocates are trained on issues related to dating abuse and healthy relationships, as well as crisis intervention. When you call our Crisis Line, we will listen to your situation, assess how you’re feeling in the moment, and help you figure out the next best steps for you.
You might discuss a safety plan or the advocate may be able to find some local resources for you, whether it’s a counselor, support group, legal service or whatever you might need.
Stand up for your rights
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You have the right to privacy, both online and off
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You have the right to feel safe and respected
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You have the right to decide who you want to date or not date
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You have the right to choose when/if you have sex and who you have sex with
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You have the right to say no at any time (to sex, to drugs/alcohol, to a relationship), even if you’ve said yes before
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You have the right to hang out with your friends and family and do the things that you enjoy, without your partner getting jealous or controlling
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You have the right to leave a relationship that isn’t right or healthy for you
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You have the right to live free from violence and abuse
What Does Consent Mean?
People typically talk about consent in the context of some kind of sexual or physical activity with a partner. In a healthy relationship, both (or all) partners are able to openly talk about and agree on what kind of activity they want to engage in. Whether it’s holding hands, kissing, touching, intercourse, or anything else, it’s really important for everyone in the relationship to feel comfortable with what’s happening.
You may have heard the phrase “no means no.” That’s totally true, but it doesn’t really provide a complete picture of consent because it puts the responsibility on one person to resist or accept an activity. It also makes consent about what someone doesn’t want to do, instead of being about openly expressing what they do want to do.
How Does It Work?
Some people are worried that talking about or getting consent will be awkward or that it will “ruin the mood,” which is far from true. If anything, the mood is much more positive when both partners feel safe and can freely communicate about what they want. If you are in the heat if the moment, here are some suggestions of things to say:
- Are you comfortable?
- Is this okay?
- Do you want to slow down?
- Do you want to go any further?
What consent looks like:
- Communicating every step of the way. For example, ask if it’s okay to take your partner’s shirt off. Don’t just assume that they are comfortable with it.
- Respecting that when they don’t say “no,” it doesn’t mean “yes.” Consent is a clear and enthusiastic yes! If someone seems unsure, stays silent, doesn’t respond, or says “Maybe…” then they aren’t saying “yes.”
- Breaking away from gender “rules.” Girls are not the only ones who might want to take it slow. Also, it’s not a guy’s job to initiate the action (or anything else, really).
What consent does NOT look like:
- Assuming that dressing sexy, flirting, accepting a ride, accepting a drink etc. is in any way consenting to anything more.
- Saying yes (or saying nothing) while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
- Saying yes or giving in to something because you feel too pressured or too afraid to say no.
Here are some red flags that indicate your partner doesn’t respect consent:
- They pressure or guilt you into doing things you may not want to do.
- They make you feel like you “owe” them — because you’re dating, or they gave you a gift, etc.
- They react negatively (with sadness, anger or resentment) if you say “no” to something, or don’t immediately consent.
- They ignore your wishes and don’t pay attention to nonverbal cues that could show you’re not consenting (ex: pulling/pushing away).
Get Consent Every Time
In a healthy relationship, it’s important to discuss and respect each other’s boundaries on the regular. It’s not okay to assume that once someone consents to an activity, it means they are consenting to it anytime in the future as well. Whether it’s the first time or the hundredth time, a hookup, a committed relationship or even marriage, nobody is ever obligated to consent to something, even if they’ve done it in the past. A person can decide to stop an activity at any time, even if they agreed to it earlier. Above all, everyone has a right to their own body and to feel comfortable with how they use it.
Everyone Deserves Healthy Relationships
CALL OUR 24-HR CRISIS LINE
239-775-1101
