You can be there for an abused elder

Thank you to the Naples Daily News for publishing our guest commentary for World Elder Abuse Awareness Day. Click here for print copy or read the article below

By Linda Oberhaus
Executive Director

At 63, Cynthia (not her real name) had never known a time without verbal, physical and emotional pain. Abandoned by her teenage mom and raised by an angry and abusive grandmother, her learned behavior as a victim led to a lifetime of unhealthy relationships. Timid and soft-spoken, Cynthia’s desire for love and acceptance combined with an extremely low self-esteem made her an easy target for abusers. Even before she was out of her teens, she suffered numerous beatings and date rapes. After she married, the abuse continued. On several occasions, her husband would slam her head to the floor so hard, she sustained permanent damage. Her son followed his father’s pattern of abuse into Cynthia’s senior years.

When she was 62, Cynthia thought she found respite with a female colleague, who offered her a room in her home with promises to help care for her and share expenses.  The colleague quickly took control of Cynthia’s car, finances and ATM card. Soon after, unauthorized expenditures, unpaid bills and lapsed insurance caused Cynthia concern. When questioned, her new abuser threatened to kill the only things Cynthia truly loved and that loved her back – her two cats.

Months later, with nowhere to turn and no one who cared, Cynthia arrived at our emergency shelter, broken and emotional, with nothing but the clothes on her back and a cat under each arm.

Cynthia’s story is heartrending but more common than you think. She could be your neighbor, an elderly church-goer, possibly your own mother or grandmother. According to the National Center on Elder Abuse (NCEA), an estimated 5 million older Americans are victims of elder abuse, each year, oftentimes at the hands of the people they trust most – spouses, family members, personal acquaintances, or professionals in positions of trust. For every case reported, the NCEA estimates that 23 cases go unreported.

Tomorrow, June 15, is World Elder Abuse Awareness Day. The Shelter will observe the day with a private candlelight vigil for participants in our Elder Abuse Response Program. Since 2006, this program has assisted more than 322 seniors by providing emotional support, customized safety planning, direct services, community referrals, transportation, and legal advocacy. Our Elder Abuse advocate continually develops and maintains relationships with community agencies that are involved with the elder population to bridge service gaps.

Elder abuse can occur anywhere, and it affects seniors across all socio-economic groups, cultures and races. Dementia, mental health and substance abuse issues – of both abusers and victims – are risk factors. Isolation can also contribute to risk.

Abuse may be dismissed or concealed as a symptom of aging. Abusers may say things like, “He is always falling down,” or “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” Victims may be reluctant to report abuse because of fear of retaliation, lack of physical and/or cognitive ability or because they don’t want the abuser (oftentimes a family member) to get into trouble.

Findings show that even professionals who work with older Americans miss signs of abuse, so it is important to note the warning signs.

Be alert for unexplained bruises, lack of hygiene or medical care, malnutrition, dehydration, withdrawal from normal activities, or unusual behavioral changes. Note if they seem to be withdrawn, nervous, fearful, sad, or anxious, especially around certain people, when they have not seemed so in the past. For those closer to the victims, take note of sudden change in finances and accounts, altered wills and trusts, unusual bank withdrawals, checks written as “loans” or “gifts” and loss of property.

Keeping in contact with older friends, neighbors and relatives will help decrease isolation, a risk factor for mistreatment. It will also give them a chance to talk about any problems they may be experiencing.

If you suspect a potential problem, please take steps to report it to the Florida Elder Abuse Hotline: 1-800-962-2873 and/or Collier County Senior Crime Advocate: 239-252-0720. You do not need to prove that abuse is occurring; it is up to the professionals to investigate the suspicions. If a situation has already been investigated, continue to speak out if you believe circumstances are getting worse.

Each of our lives has been touched by aging individuals. They are our parents, grandparents, teachers, friends, colleagues and neighbors. Imagine the difference in Cynthia’s life if had there been someone who cared enough to identify and report her abuse early on.

You can be that person. Visit our website naplesshelter.org, Collier Senior Resources (https://www.collierseniorresources.org) or the National Center on Elder Abuse (ncea.aoa.gov) for more information.